The best part of the year

You know those people who do the whole, "Birthday Month" thing? Stretch their birthday out through the entire month they were born, demanding special attention and living hedonistically, eschewing common sense and practicality?

So obviously you can see where this is going - IT'S MY BIRTHDAY MONTH!

I am not one of those people who get depressed on their birthdays. I LOVE celebrating my birthday, and while I am not exactly thrilled with aging, I like to enjoy knowing that I lived another year without getting arrested, breaking my arm, rolling my vehicle, losing another friend, or getting run over by a car - all of which has happened to me before. Damn right I should celebrate!

I'll turn 26 on the 8th. I'm having some issues deciding what to do, though. How lame is it to make all my friends show up in pink? Should we do a pub crawl? Rent a pink limo? Karaoke Spice Girls song's all night? Video scavenger hunt? Help me out, interwebz!

A nice perk to kicking off birthday month is partying the night before on Halloween:


Meet Abe Lincoln and his European mistress - stickers have been added to protect the innocent and mortified. Even though we're pretty sure Abe never made it Europe, who cares! As I predicted, Halloween was filled with sluts and d-bags, but oddly enough the most ubiquitous costume for females was a flapper. Really? Huh. Most of the men just glued devil horns to their forheads - LAME!! Unfortunately I have no pic's of said slutty women because I was too busy drinking cape cods and shaking my ass on the dance floor. Please accept my apologies and visit all 4 parts of this NSFW website, instead. You're welcome.

Halloween: it aint your mama's holiday no mo'. I'm actually not sure it ever was but I think you know what I mean.

So I've been putting in a lot of thought about my Halloween costume this year. I'm secretly a big fan of dressing up in costume, but I haven't done it in years except that one time my gay friend told me I'd look hot as a dude and made me dress in drag and then we went to Waffle House. It wasn't halloween or anything, but it still counts I think.

And ya'll. There are some crazy hilarious costumes out there. Did you want to be a like, a more girly, sexy gangster version of Robin Hood? Party City has got you covered. Or maybe you were like, "DAMN. I really want to be like, a sexy eskimo, but where oh where will I find a costume?"? Look no further, girl. This one, which claims to be Tinkerbell (maybe on acid?), will scare the shit out of you. Just click on it and see what I mean. Fuh-reaky.

Anyway, its just such a dilemma as a woman to dress in costume, don't you think? You have two choices: brazen slut or witch. And I've already done the witch thing. Remember that scene in Mean Girls where Lindsey Lohan goes to the party filled with scantily clad girls dressed as "kittens" and "angels" but she's dressed really scary and bloody? That was basically me a few halloweens ago. I pretty much spent the entire time in the kitchen doing shots and making little people out of vienna sausages and toothpicks. There was a minor incident when a few of the guests looked at my costume, and then at my vienna sausage army with toothpicks shoved through their bodies, and thought I was making voodoo dolls but it was all cleared up before the night was over. Sheesh. I mean, I thought it was common knowledge that you cant even make voodoo dolls unless its a full moon during a rising tide! People are so damn uptight.

Sigh. I just dont know anymore. What are you guys gonna be? Any tried and true costumes? I obviously need some help...otherwise, I'll just end up wrapping a sheet around myself and being a toga person. Which, probably wouldnt be that bad I guess...at least I could carry beer around as a prop! I'm pretty sure that would go over real well with all the families when we go trick-or-treating, huh?