The best part of the year

You know those people who do the whole, "Birthday Month" thing? Stretch their birthday out through the entire month they were born, demanding special attention and living hedonistically, eschewing common sense and practicality?

So obviously you can see where this is going - IT'S MY BIRTHDAY MONTH!

I am not one of those people who get depressed on their birthdays. I LOVE celebrating my birthday, and while I am not exactly thrilled with aging, I like to enjoy knowing that I lived another year without getting arrested, breaking my arm, rolling my vehicle, losing another friend, or getting run over by a car - all of which has happened to me before. Damn right I should celebrate!

I'll turn 26 on the 8th. I'm having some issues deciding what to do, though. How lame is it to make all my friends show up in pink? Should we do a pub crawl? Rent a pink limo? Karaoke Spice Girls song's all night? Video scavenger hunt? Help me out, interwebz!

A nice perk to kicking off birthday month is partying the night before on Halloween:


Meet Abe Lincoln and his European mistress - stickers have been added to protect the innocent and mortified. Even though we're pretty sure Abe never made it Europe, who cares! As I predicted, Halloween was filled with sluts and d-bags, but oddly enough the most ubiquitous costume for females was a flapper. Really? Huh. Most of the men just glued devil horns to their forheads - LAME!! Unfortunately I have no pic's of said slutty women because I was too busy drinking cape cods and shaking my ass on the dance floor. Please accept my apologies and visit all 4 parts of this NSFW website, instead. You're welcome.

Me, some strippers and lots of vodka - Halloween 2008

So are you guys as excited as I am for Halloween?!?!?!?! HALLOWEEN! WOO!

Sigh. Whatever. I can't keep up that falsity - Halloween is annoying.

Seriously. We're actually going out this weekend, and guess who I'll be hanging with?

This girl:


Who'll tell me she's in med-school and isnt this a "cute little spin" on her Halloween costume? Later, her two best friends, Tranny Teresa and Ditzy Diane who are either DRESSED as strippers or actually are strippers (I've had a few drinks by this point) show up.
Then this guy will try to pick me up:

but luckily he'll be hypnotized by Tranny Teresa's boobs and forget about me. Being around the three should be Playboy models will get me self analytical and then I'll start drinking a lot of these:

give up all hope for flat abs and start dancing like this:



get disapointing looks from my boyfriend, go home, and pass out in my costume. I'll wake up the next morning with a killer hangover, and my boyfriend asking me what the hell was I talking about last night when I said I was going to buy the "stripperobics" DVD's and one of those collapsing dance poles?

Cant. Wait.

Halloween: it aint your mama's holiday no mo'. I'm actually not sure it ever was but I think you know what I mean.

So I've been putting in a lot of thought about my Halloween costume this year. I'm secretly a big fan of dressing up in costume, but I haven't done it in years except that one time my gay friend told me I'd look hot as a dude and made me dress in drag and then we went to Waffle House. It wasn't halloween or anything, but it still counts I think.

And ya'll. There are some crazy hilarious costumes out there. Did you want to be a like, a more girly, sexy gangster version of Robin Hood? Party City has got you covered. Or maybe you were like, "DAMN. I really want to be like, a sexy eskimo, but where oh where will I find a costume?"? Look no further, girl. This one, which claims to be Tinkerbell (maybe on acid?), will scare the shit out of you. Just click on it and see what I mean. Fuh-reaky.

Anyway, its just such a dilemma as a woman to dress in costume, don't you think? You have two choices: brazen slut or witch. And I've already done the witch thing. Remember that scene in Mean Girls where Lindsey Lohan goes to the party filled with scantily clad girls dressed as "kittens" and "angels" but she's dressed really scary and bloody? That was basically me a few halloweens ago. I pretty much spent the entire time in the kitchen doing shots and making little people out of vienna sausages and toothpicks. There was a minor incident when a few of the guests looked at my costume, and then at my vienna sausage army with toothpicks shoved through their bodies, and thought I was making voodoo dolls but it was all cleared up before the night was over. Sheesh. I mean, I thought it was common knowledge that you cant even make voodoo dolls unless its a full moon during a rising tide! People are so damn uptight.

Sigh. I just dont know anymore. What are you guys gonna be? Any tried and true costumes? I obviously need some help...otherwise, I'll just end up wrapping a sheet around myself and being a toga person. Which, probably wouldnt be that bad I guess...at least I could carry beer around as a prop! I'm pretty sure that would go over real well with all the families when we go trick-or-treating, huh?

I've been brainwashed by my own brain

So have you guys noticed that the Halloween stuff is already out at your local store? I first noticed this a few weeks ago, at Target (of course) and I was stunned. I know this topic has been beaten to death, but I SWEAR it just gets earlier and earlier every year. Its nice to plan ahead, but if I go out and buy my stuff now, I'll stick it in a closet, forget about it, and then re-buy all the stuff I already did 10 days before Halloween....

...And now I suddenly understand.

Anyway, since I was reminded that yes, Halloween will be here in about 90 days, I asked my daughter what she wanted to be this year. "Hmmm," she said thoughtfully, "I think I want to be....a duck!" I gave her an odd look, and said, "Honey, what if I cant find a duck costume?" "Maybe I want to be a dog, then!" She exclaimed. "What about a pirate?" I asked, hopefully. "I wanna be a PIG!" She screeched, completely ignoring my suggestion. To say my daughter isn't exactly a "girly" girl would be a bit of an extreme understatement.

And today's doodle theme is fire, and this is what I've been fantasizing about lately:


(click to enlarge...............that's what she said, hahahhahalst4dahdhadf)
(sorry, been watching too many Office re-runs)

The weather in Houston is miserable, sticky, rainy and HOT like the second circle of hell (that's where all the hot girls and guys go when they cant keep it in their pants, fyi) and winter will not bestow her cool hand upon our city probably until...mid January. And only for a few weeks, at that. But Autumn will roll through soon, probably at the end of October, and it's the perfect time to cozy up to your sweetie and enjoy life by the fire. Or in front of your space heater with a "special friend", whatever your situation may be.