This has nothing to do with erectile dysfunction, thank god

Have you seen that Cialis commercial where the couple is in the kitchen, all lovey dovey making out and shit, and they lean on the kitchen faucet (like that's normal) and it breaks? I tried to find the video, but no dice. So here is a photo montage for your imagination:

(imagine this is the kitchen)

Well technically that isn't how it goes, but my version is better and you know it.

Anyway, this weekend I had a very similar occurrence. The kid went to grandma's house on Friday and we had two days of blissful, quiet, relaxing naked alone time to look forward to. It had been a while since I did the shaving routine, and I thought it would be nice if my boyfriend didn't get cut while I was wrapping my legs around his back, so I went in the shower to take care of business. I took my time, exfoliating and shaving all the way past the knee, and when I was finally finished, I went to turn the faucet off but nope, wasn't happening. I twisted it to the left some more, then back to the right to turn it off again, but it was even worse. Fuck. Water was shooting out everywhere, at geyser force. I wrapped a towel around myself and went into the bedroom, only to be greeted by my ready and raring to go boyfriend. I was faced with a decision:

Bad girl: "Just do him! Be spontaneous! Its hot."
Good girl: "He'd be so pissed if I flooded the house, though."
Bad girl: "No, that's hot! Then you could writhe around all over the floor together, water streaming over the edge of the tub onto your bodies flushed with lust and need, making your bodies steam with wanton desire!"
Good girl: "Wow, that is pretty hot I guess."
Bad girl: "Girl, I know you so well. So do it, just go do it...you know you want to. Deb would. HappyHourSue would. Jenny definitely would, that bitch it crazy."
Good girl: "Welllll....."

And then the battle of good vs. evil was interrupted by JP asking, "Honey! What the hell is that noise?"

Unfortunately, it took like 45 minutes to fix. On the plus, I got to see my naked boyfriend wielding a screwdriver. And if you don't think seeing your significant other nude, using tools and fixing stuff is hotter than a June bride in a feather bed, then you are obviously not as fucked up as I am. Kudos.

Enhancing sexy times since 1967

So have you guys seen this?


That's right, my friends. Cool whip in aerosol form. Ignore that pesky little voice inside your head protesting that cool whip contains oils, maybe motor oil?, possibly CFC's and leaves your mouth with a weird film on top - just silence it. This is a HUGE break through, people. Have you ever tried to enhance your sexy times by bringing a little food play into the bedroom? Got out the trusty can of Reddi-whip and went crazy with it? And then you noticed that, Ew. Stickiness where there is not supposed to be stickiness - the artificial kind, anyway. That's because Reddi-whip is made with real dairy, and once mixed with your drying saliva trails of love, will not only smell terrible, but will cause your ass to be glued to your satin sheets. And that is not sexy. Do yourself a favor and try cool whip instead of that lame KY his and hers lube. I promise spectacular results, with no guarantee of any kind.

(And no, that was not a paid post. Although, if I ever did paid posting, all my reviews would be that way and I would probably be the only person ever to be banned for reviewing products)

(Although, how awesome would it be if Cool Whip sent me a whole case of their new product for me to review? Imagine what you could do with TWELVE CANS of cool whip? Foam party? Whippits? Random cool whip attacks? There are so many possibilities...)


And today's doodle week theme is air:


Which is indicative of how I feel today.

Have a great weekend guys!

The Olympics are sexy

So was it like, "All Beijing Olympics, All The Time" central at your house like it was at ours this weekend?




In the past, I've really had no interest in the Olympics. Not for political reasons, or environmental reasons, or because I think The Olympics is exploiting underage girls, mainly just because I've either been preoccupied or had better stuff to do:

1984: 2 years old, wanted to watch Mr. Rogers Neighborhood instead.
1988: 6 years old, wanted to play with My Little Ponies instead.
1992: 10 years old, was busy practicing my Madonna stage routines in my bedroom.
1996: 14 years old, only interested in getting my period, watching MTV, and 3-way calling my friends.
2000: 18 years old, how do you watch TV while you spend all your time dancing and drinking in clubs?
2004: 22 years old, was busy freaking the hell out about being pregnant and impending child birth.

So now that I'm a little older, wiser, and lead a tame, vanilla life as a stay at home mom mature, more fulfilling life, I have more free time to pursue other intelligent interests.

Oh who am I kidding, my boyfriend wanted to watch it and I became hooked.

To be honest though, I wasn't really feeling it, until the swimming events:


and then I realized, "Why, I have been missing out on some riveting stuff! I think I will watch this!"

(Men and woman's beach volleyball, swimming, tennis, fencing, mens water polo and woman's synchronized swimming are among my other interests. Modern Pentathlon was momentarily on the list, too, until I figured out it said pentathlon NOT penetration. Damnit. )

There are 13 more days of Olympic stimulation, people. SET. YOUR. TIVO. You probably don't want to miss beach volleyball tonight, do you? Ladies in bikinis! Men in...what do the men wear? Oh. Too many clothes. Whatever. Still men playing volleyball which I find kinda hot for some reason. Maybe because its mainly portrayed as a woman's sport? Disrupting gender stereotypes gets me all riled up, really...what they NEED to do is make a men's synchronized swimming...mmmm....

Oh, you still here? I CANT BELIEVE YOU'RE NOT WATCHING THE OLYMPICS!!!! Go! Go!

Makes showering all the more fun

If you're looking for a cheap thrill, you should definitely pick up Noah's Naturals - Its All Good Rosemary and Mint Body wash. This stuff sure is tingly. In all the right places if you get my gist.