Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Crush loves you

Yawn. Hey guys. Its Crush. Yeah, I know, I know - you've got a crush on me. Heard it a
thousand times. God. Whatever. Look, I'm just here cause these bitches made me show up. I'd much rather be at home in bed with my uh, massager, and possibly my cute blonde servan- I mean, MAID, painting my toenails. I just need a break, guys. This American Gladiators shit is insane. I'm totally ready to slap a CERTAIN PINK HAIRED SOMEONE, but fucking NBC made me sign this contract saying I cant do anything "physical" until we're done filming for the new season. Fucking suits. They dont even KNOW how hard it is dealing with this chick. After the show she just struts around with her wings still attatched, sometimes naked, and talks about the ratings boost she "made happen" FIVE WEEKS AGO. GOD. And dont get me started on the new girl. I mean, damn. Cheerleader needs to lay off the pep pills, but Venom is such a bad influence and the guys are doing "performance shots" in the back, so I mean...it's just so corrupt. I dont know. I mean, you'd think that a show about GLADIATORS and FIGHTING would be clean and pristine, but these guys gotta go and dirty up the whole competition. I'll bet you didnt know that Wolf used to be a girl, huh? Back in '06 she started taking testosterone shots to help with her "allergies" or something, I dont know, and all of a sudden she just got fucking HUGE and had lots of energy. The downside was, her tits disappeared and she grew all this hair, but NBC said she wasnt all that pretty to begin with, and they made her get fangs and Wolf was born. I'm pretty sure she'll have to go through years of therapy for this, but she swears the fame and salary are worth it. I dunno. Anyway. Siren and Helga wanna go have sushi so I gotta go. Tune in on Monday to see if I finally lose my shit and beat the hell out of Phoe- I mean, a random female gladiator. Then we'll talk about a boost in ratings! Ha!

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