Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Spankings and apologies

Someone sent me an email the other day and was like, "Where the fuck are you? You havent been held hostage by anyone, have you? Attacked by crazed soccer moms? Dolphin mauling? WTF! Post something!" and I know, I know, I have been like the laziest, slackeriest, crappy no-commenting bloggy person ever. I'm sorry. I've had 3 out of town visitors in the past month, coupled with a sick kid and the FREAKIN' HOLIDAYS breathing down my neck. But you dont want to hear excuses, so please accept this hug:

See how excited I am to hug you?
(Sorry, you have to be Bush.


and slap on the ass:

There, are we better now? You know I love you.

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Everyone needs a little holiday cheer

Remember my inspiring post about "questionable" side jobs? Apparently I forgot "Appliance Shipper/Drug Smuggler", cause I found a whole bunch of weed in my oven this weekend.

Go figure I'll find it when I don't smoke anymore, right? Imagine me at 21 cleaning out my brand new oven and finding some free pot. I'd probably call the distributor and thank them! Then someone would probably get fired and I might get arrested...you can see one of the reasons I dont smoke anymore. So imagine me at 26 instead, cleaning out my brand new oven and finding a bunch of buds in there, calling the distributor and bitching them out like the cranky, crotchety, curmudgeonous (and alliterative!) person that I have apparently become. No...even though I wanted to, I didnt do that, either. I totally baked them into some Christmas cookies and gave them to the snobby neighbors across the street. HA! Merry Christmas, bitches!