Thursday, August 7, 2008

A punching bag would probably be a good investment

Let me ask you a strictly hypothetical question for entertainment purposes only:
If you could just straight punch anyone in the world, who would it be and why?

For me, without a doubt, it would be my ex. My daughter's father. The baby daddy.


I am an easy going, fun, relaxed, non-condoning of violence in any way kind of person. I am pretty much the easiest person to get along with in the whole entire world, really. But for some reason, it is impossible for the ex and I to have a calm, rational conversation. It isn't for lack of trying, believe me. Our conversations usually go something along the lines of this:

Me: Hey, I was wondering if you could bring Callie back home 30 minutes earlier today.
Him: I NEED A BAG.
Me: I'm sorry?
Him: I SAID I need a bag. THE PAPERS SAY YOU HAVE TO PACK A BAG SO YOU HAVE TO DO IT. I NEED CLOTHES.
Me: What does that have to do with bringing her home 30 minutes earlier?
Him: BAG.

Its like talking to a brick wall. Nothing gets through. You say one thing, it doesn't matter, he comes back with something completely different. Someone PLEASE tell me you know what I'm talking about, or you've gone through this, or you even KNOW someone who is going through this because OHMYGOD I am having homicidal urges and I need someone to relate to before I go off the deep end.

So tell me who's pissing you off right now. Do you also have a baby daddy problem? Baby mama? Your lover wont stop leaving the seat up so you keep falling in the toilet in the middle of the night when you get up to go pee? Neighbor wont stop blasting Linkin Park? Who do you know who deserves a good punch in the grill? HYPOTHETICALLY, of course. Believe me, I know its tempting but violence is (almost) never the answer.

20 comments:

Chat Blanc (aka Sandy) said...

one of my friends had a similar problem with her ex and dad to her kids. plus he is the most unmotivated, most ineffective father around. she would blow a gasket several times a day. I'm shocked she never has beaten him to a pulp. you're not alone!

EGE said...

Oddly enough, at this particular moment, there is no one I want to punch. That is unusual for me, however, and I am watching a football game. So I'll check back in when a name pops to mind.

Dirty Laundry Diva said...

I would pick NewscasterHotties mom, stupid bitch!

feefifoto said...

These days I really don't want to punch anyone, so you can have mine as a bonus. Enjoy, and use it wisely.

Zip n Tizzy said...

Deep breaths... that's all I can offer.

Carol said...

My 45 y/o brother, who lives with (read: mooches off of) my 75 y/o mother will not fix her air conditioner. It's been broken for a year. In New Orleans. In August. He says he has to do it himself or it won't get done right. But it's raining. And he has to work. And gas prices are up. And the sky is blue. And any blasted excuse man ever created.

Is there such thing as an ex brother?

YogaforCynics said...

I'm doing my best to work through that straight-punch-somebody impulse, but oooooh do I know it. Really, the one's hardest to get over it with are relatives, though I at least, at this point, don't have to see them much beyond weddings and funerals. But Gooooood, the weddings they have....

Thus, it makes sense that my friends who, like you, have the child-and-ex-who's-father-of-child combo, all have versions of your issue, as they're essentially chained to someone they can't stand, even though they've quite literally divorced that person from their lives....why am I rambling on like this. It's your damn blog, and I just stumbled onto it, rambling through the web when I should be going to bed. Anyway, best of luck with that.

ettarose said...

I know some of you will not understand this, but I want to punch my daughter one good one in the nose.

Puff Matty said...

somebody has a case of the mondays!

momjeansblogger said...

I have a friend with the same problem, but a little worse! (they have three kids together.!I don't know how she doesn't kill him! My heart goes out to you. It's pretty sticky when there are kids involved!

Jacqueline said...

If I had to answer that question seven years ago, there would be a multitude of people on the list. Since I'm older and wiser now, it's just not worth it.

Deb said...

I have a brick wall I have to talk to, too, but it's in business so I do my best to get things done by e-mail. Can I punch that dude without, like, seeing him? If not, I'll punch your ex again after you're done with him. One-two!.

The Aging Disco Diva said...

Oh, I like your hypothetical... hmm... who would I straight punch? (that I have not already punched) Well I think I would like to punch John Edwards in his nether regions as I say "This is for your wife..and every other woman in the country" but he would probably enjoy it, which kinda' defeats the purpose...

zyriana said...

Wholley molley it erased my comment! Okay, maybe I did it. ::blink::

I came through here from Soccer Mom Files 'cause she said if we weren't reading your blog we were a loser! er, I am a loser... SO here I am and I am not a loser anymore!

Good job on the AWARD! From what I read here you deserve it!

Oh, regarding the baby daddy and his blatent need for a brain reboot. Here's my 2 cents... I had the same issue with my kids dad. I swear I wanted to punch him just to do the REBOOT myself! ;) It get better. Mainly when I changed the way the conversation went. Let me give you an example:

BABY DADDY: BAG!

Your Beautiful Self: GREAT! Thank you SO much for the 30 mins earlier! I totally appreciate it. See you then.

BABY DADDY: What? I said you need to bring a bag!

Your Beautiful Self: Oh no, 25 mins earlier won't work. I'm good with the 30. And thanks again!

BABY DADDY: What are you talking about?

Your Beautiful Self: Too cool! See you then!

Hey, two can play at *brain fart* wars!

HUGS and keep that chin up, they get better. Usually!

~Love and Light,~

Monica

Eli said...

I am with you on drama with the ex! I know how it feels to deal with that. Great blog! I am totally adding you to my blog roll!

Kateedyd said...

Oooo...I love this one!

When I was young, my bff and I had a "hit list". Anyone that really pissed us off would get put on that list. Then, we came up with "throw them on an island and blow it up" and then there's the ever popular "just !#@%%!$ run 'em over". Needless to say, there were A LOT of stupid people on those lists.

Hey, it helps to talk about those kinds of things...right? LOL!

Athena said...

You guys are awesome!! Thank you so much...misery loves company, and you all gave me some nice stories to relate to...which helped me to realize I am probably not the unluckiest person out there. :) Thank you for all the advice, tips funny stories and just good thoughts...I appreciate it so much!!!

hammy said...

Well, a punching bag alone won't help much. You also need life-size face photos of the people you want to punch the lights out of.

Imagine the pleasure of beating the smiling face of your baby daddy pasted on a bag filled with sand... It's as realistic as it can possibly get. :)

Batman style POW! BAM! WHOOSH! KAPOW! BANG!

Leigh Anne said...

Just found you blog... LOVE IT! And i totally relate to homicidal urges. After 15 years of PURE MISERY I left my husband with the three kids in tow. One of said kids actually asked me once 'can't we just sneak out in the middle of the night?' Coming from your 10 year-old, that hits you like a ton of bricks. I got my shit together, got out. Two weeks ago, the kid who wanted to make a midnight dash decided she wanted to go live with her dad!! WTF?! I am devistated, miss her like crazy and if I knew a hit man... oh wait... I can't say that. Just think it. dream it. be glad you got out while the kid is too young to be manipulated.

justlori2day said...

I have one of those... He has my child held hostage, I mean he has her for a month right now and it kills me. First of all, when she is safe and sound in my clutches, he calls incessently!!! But when she is there for a month he doesnt answer the friggin phone!

However, he is not my biggest target right now. I have one bigger a brewin!