I'm not dead. I promise.

YA'LL.

I have totally been neglecting my friends, family, social life and obviously, my blog. I asked to work as much as possible, and my employers seem to think I was asking to move into the restaurant - I should probably just change my address and bring a pillow up there. I have no idea whats been going on with everyone - So HEY GUYS! What the hell has everyone been up to lately? Me? Lots of double shifts and home hunting - soon, the title of my blog will actually be relevant!

While I was out slinging onion rings and margaritas, I was tagged and got a few awards!! You guys! This iss probably just ya'll's way of saying, "Hurry the fuck up and post something, damnit!" but I'll take it as a compliment, dont worry.

This lovely award was given to me by Melinda, over at Musings by Melinda Zook. How freakin' cute is her blog? If you go there now you can watch the SNL skit with Sarah Palin (ya'll, I seriously just wrote Sarah Fey...they're practically interchangeable. Sorry, Tina Fey) and the moose. I know you've seen it already, but a preggo Amy Poleher rapping and mock shooting a fake moose will never, ever get old. Go! Now!

This totally professional looking award was given to me by Petra, over at The Wise (*Young*) Mommy:

My girl Petra always has my back, and here she is to instill a little "mojo" into my blog. This award also comes with being "tagged" to write Six Things That Make You Happy, so here you go:

Six Things That Make Me Squee:
1. A FUCKING DAY OFF
2. Spending time with my daughter.
3. Going to the cafe behind our house to eat breakfast on the patio with my boyfriend.
4. Being with my BFF drinking wine
5. Dancing my butt off in a packed club
6. Having an entire day to myself to spend at my leisure

AND I was also tagged by Sandee, at Comedy Plus to tell you guys Six Random, Bookish Things About ME. Sandee is so awesome, and funny, and her weekend feature, "The Comment Game" is surprisingly insightful while being really fun and kinda addicting. Go visit her!

The rules:

1. Link to the person who tagged you.
2. Post the rules on the blog.
3. Write six random bookish things about yourself.
4. Tag sixish people at the end of your post.
5. Let each person know he or she has been tagged.
   
6. Let the tagger know when your entry is up.
   

Okay, um, I'll do all that stuff later but for now, here we go:

1. I have been trying to read some of the (not really)"classics" since last summer. I've read "Anna Karenina" (Ehhh), A Farewell To Arms (HATED. IT.), The Stranger (Really liked it), Zen and The Art of Motorcycle Maintenance (really didnt see what everyone went crazy about, and I dont even care if that makes me sound ignorant), The Fountainhead (LOVED. IT.) and am currently laboring through Atlas Shrugged.

2. I am so proud of our bookshelves. We totally need more "chick lit" (BTW, I despise that term), but otherwise we have a fairly well rounded collection of books, and there are probably over 300 of them. I refer to the section of our apartment housing the shelves as "the library".

3. I have more than once went to Barnes and Nobles to hang out and read books. I will also admit that I have finished many a book there, without paying a cent. I am so sorry, and in the event that I fall down and hit my head really hard and have a concussion then wake up a great writer and decide to publish a book, I know karma will come back and bite me on the ass.

4. Also, I really hate Barnes and Nobles, Borders, or any other retail book chain. I prefer to buy my books used, because the thought of someone having it before me, and maybe before them, etc. etc. is very endearing and also because I love the way old books look.

5. I'll basically read anything. I am never NOT reading a book. But I really only like to read one at a time, and even if I loathe it, I will finish it.

6. And possibly the most bookish thing about me? I have a freakin' shelfari account! A social media tool for BOOKS! I am a nerd and I embrace it.

OKAY! I am going back to work now. I know. I'm a slave to the serving tray. Someone host an intervention!

EDIT: UH. Can someone please tell me why the bottom portion of my blog is highlighted and how to fix it? Thanks!
EDITED AGAIN: OWWWWW Jesus! That highlighted portion is really bright!
EDITED AGAIN: Well, I just have no idea. I'm sorry. I tried to fix it, but no luck. Blogger hates me.

Lame-o

While recovering from the Epic Drinking Binge of 2k8, going to two fruitless job interviews, working, then coming home late at night so tired and so hungry, I have become totally boring this week. Total snooze fest. Sorry guys. I got nothin'.

So good thing Petra over at The Wise (*Young*) Mommy tagged me for this meme, right?!? You saved the day, girl!

1. Where were you 10 years ago?

I was a sophomore in high school and starting drivers ed. I had a totally obsessive and unrequited crush on this guy Greg (names have been changed to protected the innocent and mortified) and by some stroke of luck we were paired together in our driving class. With all the swooning in the back seat and furtive glances in the rear view mirror back at him, its amazing I even learned to drive in the first place.

2. What's on Today's To-Do List?

I have already completed everything on my to-do list because I am a badass. Or because there were only 2 things on it. I prefer the first explanation.

3. Name Five Places You Have Lived

Houston, Tx
Katy, TX
Prosser, WA

4. Name Three of Your Bad Habits

I have a really hard time remembering to close the cabinet doors, and it usually results in the taller people in my home (JP) smacking their heads on them. I also leave my car doors unlocked constantly (but I drive a crap car so it would really be better for me if it got stolen, anyway) and I chew my cuticles when I am stressed out. Gross, huh?

5. What Are Your Favorite Snacks?

I am a trail mix addict, y'all. Once when I was pregnant I ate an entire bag in one sitting! I also like tapioca pudding cups, pickles...actually I think I'd consider anything not an entire meal a snack, so bring it on.

6. Who Will You Tag for This Meme?

Serena, over at Zip 'n' Tizzy! Go for it mama!

Awards - I has them!!!!!!!

Look! Look! Check this shiz out:

My awesome prism of greatness has come back to me! Oh how I love thee, beautiful prism. I have to thank Mike over at Ok, Crazy for bringing the prism back home to mama. His blog is SO F'ING FUNNY and if you haven't read it yet then you need to go do is asap before you get attacked by killer locusts. You really don't want the last thought you have before death to be about a blog, do you? Nope. So go, go darling readers. But you'd better come back when you're done, damnit.

I want to give this award to Sandee at Comedy Plus. Sandee's blog always puts a smile on my face and I look forward to dropping on it. And have you seen her awards page? Good lord! She is on a friggin' cruise right now, while the rest of us slave away at our respective jobs or homes, cooking dinner after dinner for our family without an OUNCE of thanks or gratitude for being the glue that holds this damn family together!!!!!!! Whoa. Sorry. I think I've been watching too much Lifetime TV or something.

Anyway, I was also awarded this from Ethan aka The Natural State Hawg:



Which totally caught me off guard. SO flattered. He writes about smart people stuff which is totally awesome, but my blog must be like mind cotton candy to him. Which is cool. I can live with that. Everyone reads Hawg's blog, but if you don't then you're missing out on some great stories from the perspective of an Arkie. Don't know what an "Arkie" is? Go read his blog and educate yourself, peeps.

And I tried, but I just cant pick any one single person to give this to. I love ALL your blogs! If I comment, that means I'm reading daily. And I don't read blogs I don't love. So consider it all of yours, babies.

And I'm done spending my BFF Gold Card on imaginary shoes, and I want to pass the fortune on to Chat Blanc, at Wit's Bitch.
I love her dry, sarcastic humor and she always comments on my inane tweets, too. She loves Fashion Week just like I do, she hates bugs just like I do, and we're both on the hunt of a new source of cizash. She's recruiting ghost busters today, so go sign up if your interested.

Also, Laura at A Junk Foodaholic tagged me for the "SIX UnspectacularAWESOMELY BADASS QUIRKS ABOUT YOU THAT YOU ARE PROUD OF AND NEED LOTS AND LOTS OF PRAISE AND REASSURANCE ABOUT" meme earlier this month. Sorry it took me so damn long, Laura! If you've been reading my blog for a while you'll definitely remember that insanity, but if you haven't, go here and prepared to be amazed at the amount of crazy.

Whew! There ya go. Thank you all so much for my shiny new awards! Have a great weekend, guys!

Six awesomely badass quirks

Guess what! The lovely and talented Petra over at The Wise (Young) Mommy has tagged me for my very first meme ever! I am such a sucker for these things, and if you cant stand them, don't add me as a friend on your myspace! I mean, who can resist an opportunity for some good old fashioned self exploitation?!?

This one is titled, " Six Unspectacular Quirks About You". Hmm. I hate to break it to you guys, but I must admit, there is nothing unspectacular about me. I mean, really. So I'm renaming this meme to:

SIX AWESOMELY BADASS QUIRKS ABOUT YOU THAT YOU ARE PROUD OF AND NEED LOTS AND LOTS OF PRAISE AND REASSURANCE ABOUT

Much better. Here goes.

1. Apparently I am quirky about food.

I guess I am a weirdo for wanting my food when or how I want it, but whatever - if I'm not in the mood for chinois, mexican or pizza, I will not eat it. Refuse. Decline. Reject. I guess this makes me HARD TO LIVE WITH, but go cry me a river - I live with your obsessive cleanliness habit, okay?! CLEAN CLEAN CLEAN! Do you see me complaining?

2. I have a thing for free publications.

You know those stands at the exit of the grocery store with the Apartment Guides, Thrifty Nickles and Greensheets? Yeah, those. If you come into my house, you'll find them stacked up on the side table, next to the couch, driving my anal retentive boyfriend with an obsessive cleaning habit crazy generally enhancing the ambiance of my dwelling. My favorites are the Houston Press, Houston Family, and Skirt! Magazine. One of the great things about living in the city is the abundance of independently published free magazines. And okay, okay, I still get the Greensheet, too.

3. I will not drink light beer.

I just won't do it. Its disgusting. I haven't had a light beer in over 5 years, and I refuse to choke down a beer that tastes like pee. And don't tell me I've never tasted pee so I cant make that analogy because I really don't want to get into that discussion - it's just too humiliating. Beers are meant to be enjoyed, and I would rather be a happy size 10 with my Shiner Bock than be miserable size 6 drinking my Miller Lite.

4. I do not wear undies.

I haven't worn underwear in like, 9 years. Well, actually, when I wear dresses and skirts I do, but other than that, I am sans culottes. On Valentines day this year, I received a lovely box from Victoria's Secret filled to the brim with lovely, lacy things, and once in HS on my birthday I got a bunch of undies from a girl friend...perhaps some people don't exactly agree with my way of life?

5. I don't own a cell.

I haven't had a cell phone for almost a year now, and I do not want one, either. I think they're like invisible leashes. When I'm out doing stuff alone, I like to be alone, and I don't want to deal with having to turn my phone off just to get some personal time. I get a lot of shit about this, because people either want to get a hold of me and cant, or think I'm being irresponsible by not having one. True, having a cell will come in handy if I ever get a flat tire or something, but I rarely travel alone these days, and besides, what did people do when they had car trouble before cell phones?

6. I used to be a hippy

I fully believe I used to be a hippy in a past life. I'm completely serious. Evidence that points to this: Unexplained affection towards gunnysacks, 70's music, bohemian fashion and daisies, past promiscuous sex, I used to smoke a lot of joints until I had a kid, peace signs, and hairstyle. Oh yes, and see #4. Other past lives I've had: Titanic casualty (severe aversion to cold water), Cleopatra (the exotic qualities have been passed along), and Amelia Earhart (don't ask me how I know, I just do.)

Ta-da!

Now of course, this meme comes with rules but I don't want to tag any one number of people because I want to know all the SPECTACULAR quirks all of you have! I'm serious!!! All of you guys who come to read my blog should do this because I am interested in finding out good dirt I can hold against you later to get you to do something illegal for me relevant and interesting facts about all my fellow bloggers!!! Do it!