This post has a lot of yummy pictures.

Today I want to talk about running.
I fucking hate running.

(btw - if you google "I fucking hate ____" you will find that a lot of people fucking hate some weird stuff like "unplugged" music, fireworks (who the fuck hates fireworks?!) and granny carts. Uh....)

I run because I like food. I like good food. I am from the south and I was raised on things like home made cheeseburgers and chicken fried steak and mashed potatoes and MMMMMMMMM cheesecake.




Damn that is some good looking cheesecake. If that plate of sinful delight was sitting in front of you right now are you telling me you wouldn't eat it? Lick the cherries off the top at least? Uh huh. Thats what I thought.

So I eat yummy food, therefore I run. I haven't been keeping up with it lately, however. I've been sporadic and lazy and not interested. Its so tedious and boring, and it takes a long time, and I'm always worried my track pants are riding up into my crotch, or my boobs are bouncing too much. I cant download any new music for my mp3 player because of some issue on the computer, so I'm listening to like, Spice Girls and old Madonna songs.
Even thought I'm not running, I still eat the good stuff, but I walk past my Nikes (hanging forlornly in their shoe hanger, longing for the feel of pavement on their lonely, lonely sole) without a second thought.

Yesterday I had that second thought.

Getting in the shower yesterday, I glanced back in the mirror before stepping in and, literally, gasped at the sight.


ON MY ASS, PEOPLE. No. No, no, no, no, no OH HELLLLLLL NO. I wonder how long its been back there, smirking at JP when we're doing sexy times, glaringly obvious to everyone besides me when I'm in my bathing suit. UGH.
I know, its a fact of life. Everyone has it (and if you don't you better not tell me, I don't want to hear it, you smug bitch). But the most upsetting thing about it is, it is forrreeevvvverrrrrr. FOREVER. Like herpes. Or diamonds. Never goes away.

So back to the trail. Pulled out the Nikes. Did some stretches today in preparation. Yay. So thrilled. Its 96 fucking degrees outside, and unfortunately I cant run naked (firstly, OW, and secondly, EEK), so I'm gonna sweat my ass off and I'll look like a crazy homeless person by the time I get home, but at least I'll be FIT. AND HEALTHY. Well, probably just fit cause I doubt I'll stop eating fried chicken any time soon. Baby steps, people.

I'm hungry.

Recently, AOL Food asked its readers to nominate their least favorite foods. The top nominations were voted on in a poll and the results are in!

America's Most Hated Foods. (My opinions)

20. Blueberries (I agree. Hate them raw, but artificial blueberry is okay - blueberry muffins, uhh...blueberry popsicles? Hmm.)
19. Maple Syrup (What the hell is everyone putting on their pancakes?)
18. Cilantro (Yum! No one likes salsa?)
17. Onions (EWWWWWWWWW however I do like onion rings.)
16. Cooked Carrots (Normally I dont like mushy vegetables, but slap some butter and brown sugar on these babies and they're delish.)
15. Raisins (Yummy, also the perfect toddler snack.)
14. Peas (I like them frozen, I cant seem to find them at my grocery store's produce section, and snow peas are delicious in chinese food.)
13. Oysters (Tried them once, never again.)
12. Pea Soup (Never tried it!)
11. Sour Cream (SOUR CREAM?!! Who are these people???)
10. Gelatin (Is this like, jello? Who hates jello?)
9. Tuna Fish (The only kind of fish I'll eat.)
8. Brussels Sprouts (I've never tried, and they smell funny.)
7. Beets (Apparently I used to love them as a baby, then one day broke out in a full body rash one day after eating them. I guess I could be allergic to beets.)
6. Okra (WTF. Everyone who did this survey is from the north. Okra is the shit, people.)
5. Eggs (I'm surprised to see this one on the list. Usually I get weird looks when I tell people I dont like eggs. I'll eat them only if they're IN a dish. Or breakfast taco, whatever.)
4. Mushrooms (My favorite veggie)
3. Mayonnaise (Miracle whip is for pussies. Mayo FTW!)
2. Lima Beans (Not good on their own, but added to things I like them)
1. Liver (I like it but refuse to eat it, since its so bad for you)

Also, I'm convinced that these people just thought of food that sounds gross. Or I just like food that everyone else hates. More for me!!!

Deli counter love

Yesterday I was standing in the deli line, 10 deep, beaming at the black forest ham (and probably looking like a maniac) and thinking to myself, "This is AWESOME!" No, I do not have a ham fetish, I was just relishing the FREEDOM FROM CHILDREN AND TIME (that sounds like the name of a really bad sci-fi novel).

Yesterday, JP went out of town to go to some convention in Orlando, the lucky bastard. And Callie went to go spend the night with her grandmother so they could go pick blueberries this morning. I know, wtf. But thats what grandmas do, I guess. When I'm a grandma, I'll be taking my grandkids to the liquor store, probably, but times are changing folks. Grandmas gotta have her manhattan!

Where were we? Oh yes, deli line. I'm looking at all these sullen people, pissed off that they have to wait 5 minutes to have their havarti cheese sliced and I couldnt be happier. Do you know how long its been since I stood in a deli line? Can you imagine standing there, cute little hand basket filled with organic stone ground wheat bread, pomme juice and ready made tortelinis, looking over to find a frazzled looking woman who had the audacity to shove her full sized shopping cart (filled with Kraft and teddy grahms!) into the line? Wrestling with a 3 year old who wont stop begging for a donut? I could do it, and mentally tell everyone to fuck off, but I care about the world and believe in karma, so I refrain.

So while people were sighing and rolling their eyes, I was a chipper and thankful lady.

And no need to comment, because I've realized that I need to get out more now. Yes, I am thankful for the deli line. Yes, apparently I have no life. I got it. Thank you.