Saturday, June 28, 2008

Its cold out there for a Mom

Guess where I've been all day? I'll give you three hints:

The ladies wear short skirts
There is lots of shouting of encouragement, cheers, general hoopla and such
Sharp blades are involved

No, not some sick fetish strip club, you dirty minded sickos, but ice skating. More importantly, ice skating with my three year old. I enrolled her in lessons a few weeks ago after she started gliding around in her socks on the laminate floor. I'm serious! By doing that, she could be acting out her natural ability and talent, right? The baby books told me so! Besides, I'm always looking for every available avenue for Calista to learn a talent so she can support me in my twilight years.

Unfortunately, I think she's inherited her fathers laziness. She isn't bad, she doesn't fall, but she wont move. Once she found out she couldn't get out there and just sail away, arms outstretched and one leg in the air, she didn't want anything to do with it. So every Saturday after class, I get out there with her and we go around the rink a few times. Or, I go around the rink a few times while she wedges herself between my legs, screaming, and I drag her around with me. Today I was pretty fed up with this and pried her vice like little hands off of my legs and skated a few feet in front of her. "See how easy this is?" I singsonged, skating backwards, trying to encourage her to come forward to me. I was feeling pretty pleased with myself, as she was moving forward and I was gliding along, backwards no less, entertaining ideas of becoming a (geriatric?) figure skater until all of a sudden - WHAM! I skated back right into the wall, feet flew out from under me (I seriously saw them in front of my face) and I landed straight on my ass. Dazed for a few seconds, I suddenly realized my own child was laughing at me! "You fell on your BUTT!" She cried gleefully. Then I looked over and noticed the little 8 year olds doing double axles in the center of the ice were pointing and laughing!!!! Bitches. Calista came over, and I let her clutch the insides of my thighs while I skated back to the exit. No one was hurt and fortunately the only thing I bruised was my ego. Bah dum bum!

4 comments:

Rachel said...

Sorry. That made me laugh pretty damn hard myself.

Deb said...

It sucks when that's what you get for being a good mom. What I hate about ice skating is that your pants get wet from falling on your ass and everyone can estimate how many falls you had. Whereas roller skating = no evidence, and come to think of it, in roller derby, people cheer for you if you take someone down with you. Let's start a derby team!

Grumpus. said...

DERBY TEAM!? I will get out my Bedazzler and have uniform jackets made up for us quicker than you can say bring it!

Athena said...

How much fun would it be starting a derby team! Ohmygod, we could have a yearly derby competition like blogher! We can get some of us blog girls, start a few teams and have bouts until there is a winner! We just need a catchy name...Blog Derby? Derby Blog? Derbloggy? Hmm.