Tuesday, July 22, 2008

How to look like a self absorbed asshole

A few days ago, my boyfriend's copy of Wired magazine arrived in the mail, The How To Issue, to be exact, and right there on the cover next to a picture of Julia Allison's killer gams was the headline, "Get Internet Famous". Uhh...I've never heard of this chick before, but sure, I'll read it.

Summary of article: Julia Allison dated some Gawker people, then some IT dudes, blogged about every last detail, is/was mean, held a dance party in Manhattan and took lots of pictures with famous people? She's like the Paris Hilton for quasi-intellectuals, I suppose.

Anyway, the article got me thinking about blogging and my own experience. Even though I'm too lazy to use apostrophes correctly and I disregard style, I'm not new to writing. Before being betrayed by countless people (and thats a story for another time, folks) I kept paper journals for about 12 years. Before blogs were invented, I had an online diary back in the day (Gurl.com, Chickclick.com and Geocities.com - oh, the memories) complete with grrlgoddess webrings and guestbooks. And while at times I'm completely self-delusional, achieving fame due to my blog is laughable to me.

Just for kicks, here are some of Wired magazine's and Julia Allison's tips to becoming "Internet Famous", and their applications in my own life.

It's not who you know, its who you're next to

Hmm. Well, I wasnt invited couldn't attend the Blogher conference, so I missed my opportunity to be photographed next to Dooce or Maggie Mason. However, I'll be at the circus tonight, so maybe I'll try to get my picture snapped with Bello. Actually quite fitting for this blog, don't you think?

Dress against type

Well, since I've been broke as hell this year and haven't been able to update my wardrobe, I think I'm officially dressing against type. It hasn't got me any recognition other than sneers from the girls at Macy's when I go in occasionally to window shop. But if old Jules taught me anything, negative attention is good attention!

Embrace enigma

Merriam-Webster defines enigma as:
1 : an obscure speech or writing
: something hard to understand or explain
: an inscrutable or mysterious person

Well my blog does a good job of being obscure, is quite hard to understand at times and I wouldn't call myself mysterious, but I'm no Brangelina, either. I think I'm doing a good job at embracing the enigma so far.

Let your minion's fight your battles

Now I need some minions. How does one get minions, anyway? Google was no help, and Minions.com was a bust. Perhaps I'll put an add out in Craigslist?


Deb said...

I'll be your minion. We need some kind of system, like a bell or something, but I totally got your back!

Venus Angell said...

I bet you'd get some hilarious replies if you did post on Craig's List!

Laura-Junkfoodaholic said...

Julia Allison is a goofball. 'Let your minions fight your battles'? What a wuss.

Monique said...


And whoever she is, she's a [bleeeeep] because [bleeeeeep] [bleeeeeep] with that nonsense about letting your [bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep] minions fight your battles. I would never think to call anyone who reads my blog a minion.

momjeansblogger said...

I'll take a picture with you!! I'll also be your minion if you'll be mine.
Does that mean that we are internet famous now?

Athena said...

Deb - You would make THE BEST minion! I'll bet you know how to make a knife out of paperclips and match sticks or some crazy shit. Plus I can consult you on lube, since you seem to be well educated ;)

Venus - I know! It might be worth it for the laughs alone!

Laura - Seriously. If you cant take it, dont dish it out!

Monique - Haha, well said ;)

Kirsten - I totally got your back, don't worry, and I would feel lucky to get a pic snapped with you!! I think if we believe in ourselves, then we're already famous! Hahahahahahahaha ;)

Mike Riley said...


As far as photos w/"notables" go, why not just Photoshop yourself into the next Internet celeb "moment"? [personally, I would just deglare myself an I-celeb (if such things mattered to me); then, people would have to scramble to be in MY photo-ops]


Jennifer said...

I read the article also. Hope there aren't too many people that take it to heart. The last thing we need are hundreds of Julia Allison clones.

Athena said...

Mike - Unfortunately, I have no photoshop skillz, otherwise I would have been all over this years ago just for the entertainment factor alone!

Jennifer - Amen, sister.

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