Monday, October 13, 2008

Deep breaths. Deep breaths.

Yes, WaMu went kaput and AIG is burning through their two bailout checks like a wildfire, sometimes getting gas can be like a scavenger hunt, and seriously? it might be cheaper now just to go buy a fucking cow to keep on hand for milk every week.

Yes, our economy is going down faster than a tranny hooker on Charlie Sheen, but there are still some small comforts in life - low humidity days, frozen margarita's, sunsets, good books, those pink and white frosted little circus cookies, oh wait:






Mother's Cookies Crumbles

(PS: that is a seriously lazy and insincere headline line, NPR)

Well, aint that some shit. First it was Bennigan's Broccoli bites and now THIS. People of the world who run the economy machine listen up - if you do not want to induce mass panic and depression (more so than you already do, or are doing currently) please do not take away our small comforts. It's really in your best interest to ensure the cookie factories keep running - PMSing women and sugar addicts are truculent and alarmingly brutal. I understand that you might've lost $538,000.00 in stock, but we are poor and that money you lost is like our animal cookies. Except you probably have lots more money left and we have NO MORE COOKIES, ASSHOLE.

RIP Mother's cookies. I look forward to paying three times the amount for a bag of frosted deliciousness on the black market soon. Ya'll dont even want to know what I did for a case of broccoli bites - demoralizing, but totally worth it.

16 comments:

Vodka Mom said...

what is NEXT? Oreo's? Keebler CHocolate Chip COokies? Pepperidge Farm Milano's? When will the madness end? dammit George.

Heinous said...

Hmmm...never had them. Lucky me, they can't be taken away from me then. My condolences for your loss.

Petra said...

Man, what is this country coming to? I am not really sure why we want to have another baby, we will probably end up having to sell it to buy some food!

VE said...

Noooooo. I can't take it. I suppose next Apple Pie will be going... (Mother is gonna be pissed off, let me tell ya...)

Dave said...

Thanks for saying what needs to be said! There should be more on "Fuck George"!

PS. My moms a tranny hooker...!

Chat Blanc said...

*sobs* I LOVED those little cookies!! *snot and tearings run down face* I HATE YOU EVIL ECONOMY CRUSHERS!!!! *shakes fists at sky*

Athena said...

vodka mom - Damnit George indeed! Nothing is sacred anymore!

Heinous - My congratulations for your non-loss, then!!! ;) Believe me, you'd be cursing George too if you'd ever eaten them.

Petra - Seriously! When they're closing down the cookie factories you know you should start worrying!

Ve - When apple pie is gone I'm leaving the country!

Dave - You're welcome! And has she done Charlie Sheen yet?

Chat blanc - I. KNOW. I'll pick up a few bags for you on the blackmarket.

Zip n Tizzy said...

But who needs milk, when you can't have cookies?!

Sandee (Comedy +) said...

Preach it sister, preach it. Bwahahahaha. Have a great day. :)

Matt said...

Oh gag...my wife LOVES these cookies.
To me they taste like shortening on a saltine. (how I'd know that, don't ask)

Although I love double stuf Oreos...and they are filled with shortening. So I'm probably not a good judge.

Melinda Zook said...

LOL...Yeah, I totally agree. At certain times of the month, cookies are worth more to me than a pot of gold.

Athena said...

Serena - Amen sister!

Sandee - hahaha thanks!

Matt - Dude, double stuffed oreos are totally the overachievers of the oreo family! Bleh!

Melinda - seriously!

Dan da Man said...

You dont know what i had to do to get some of those cookies the other day

just a girl... said...

and I was so excited to click on your blog. WTF? Not even joking here when I say those are my favorite fucking cookies. If you think tomorrow I am not on a hunt and those babies will be preserved on ice you are crazy. shit i hope the next post isnt so fucking depressing.

just a girl... said...

shoot i was too late, all stores here have pulled the products i think i am going to die

mrsmouthy said...

I'm so bummed about that. If only Mother's Circus Cookies had the lasting power of twinkies that you can supposedly bury in the ground then dig up 7 years later, completely preserved. In fact, I might bury me a bag of cookies just in case...