Friday, October 10, 2008

Ya'll are all crazy, and thats okay.

If you have google analytics, you'll know that one of the best things about checking your stats is the keywords. Honestly, that is the only reason I signed up - site meter was just lacking in the interesting keyword feature, plus I like to stalk my readers know where all you guys are reading from.

Anyway, since real life has taken a precedence this week, here are my top 5 favorite key word searches:

5. Need a fucking good knife
Is this a question? Are you trying to sell me something? WHY do you need a fucking good knife? Whats with the 'f' word? I sincerely hope you did not find what you were looking for here. Also for all you other peeps looking for a fucking good knife? Try academy first.

4. Fruit bat costume child
Okay. Have you ever seen a fruit bat? Click here if you are un-informed. What the hell? Why are you dressing your poor child as a fruit bat? The only excuse for this is if your son or daughter is in some sort of wild life play, or they just have a bizarre interest in fruit bats. Children are weird - have I mentioned my four year old child wants to be a duck? Somewhere, someone is looking at their analytics saying, "child duck girl costume" and shaking their heads.

3. Fat yarn rolls
Ohmygod, please tell me that there is not a BBW yard doll fetish. And if so, HOW did my site become associated with it? That is simultaneously awesome and terrifying.

2. Peeing in the sink
Really, people? You actually need to google "peeing in the sink"? What the hell can you be looking for that you don't already know? Instructions? Do you have a peeing in the sink fetish? Is it limited to only in the sink? Cause if so, that must be some hard material to find. I cant imagine how many "sink peeing" fetishists I disappointed. Sorry, guys.

1. What gay men do with ice cream
I am intrigued. What DO gay men do with ice cream? Are there any gay men who can answer this question for me and the one other person who googled this? Now I feel like I've been wasting all my opportunities for some good, kinky fun by simply eating my ice cream!

I also want to announce that I am now a member of one of the most prestigious, amazing kick ass blogging groups out there - humor bloggers dot com! Thank you to the darling Ettarose who asked me to join up and blog funny with the other awesome peeps who are seriously way talented and hilarious. I am in the presence of greatness! Get your asses over there now to read some of the internet's finest humor, snark, and general insanity - especially now that I'm a part of the clan.



Da Old Man said...

Welcome to the humor cabal. And I would like to know what gay men do with ice cream. I don't know many gay men, but I've seen them eat ice cream, so I thought that was the extent of it. I'm intrigued.

Sandee (Comedy +) said...

Good Lord. It's amazing isn't it? Have a great day and weekend. :)

Vodka Mom said...

I need you to come over and give me a seminar. I've got the martinis and chips. Now get your ass over here.

Monique said...


It's good to see that my crazies are branching out.

And that peeing in the sink... wtf... like, serious people? That is so foul.

Heinous said...

The best one I ever had was 'dickweed plant pictures' Too bad I couldn't deliver. Nowhere could I find directions on how to pee in a sink on your blog. I'm lost now.

Kirsten said...

I gotta go check and see what mine are.

Funny blog!

Athena said...

da old man - Thank you! I know...I need to know if there are alternate things to do with ice cream!

Sandee - Seriously! People are so bizarre :) Thanks Sandee, you too!

Deb - MMMMMMMMMM martini and chips...I will educate you, dont worry.

Monique - LOL glad I could take a few off your hands ;)

Heinous - is that some dirty hybrid of pot? How funny

Kirsten - Good luck and thank you!!! :D

Chat Blanc said...

Woohoo!! So glad you're a member of the Humor Bloggers empire!

AND--ahahahaha! crazy ass searches girl. you just can't make this shit up!

Petra said...

Woo-hoo! Welcome to the gang! (Our colors are neon green and purple, so you better be getting yourself some headscarves homie!)

Funny keyword searches. Did you leave out all the reeeaaallly perverted ones, or am I the only one who gets those???

JD at I Do Things said...

HA! I love keyword search terms. That "peeing in the sink" one? That may have been me. Now don't get the wrong idea -- it's my cat who's doing the peeing, not me. I haven't found my answer yet. Any ideas?

JD at I Do Things

chris said...

i drunkenly wandered about discovering search terms myself the other day. signed up for google analytics per your mentioning of better keyword feature. thanks (=

gotta defend the "fucking god knife" guy. see, as someone who loves the word "fuck" and have gotten over a severe case of using it as a comma, sometimes it's just necessary.

ask yourself, "do i need a really good knife?" if you answer, odds are you're nuts enough to need better than a really good knife. said...

I've seen others do this with their keyword searches. I really should, the stuff we get eh?!

Yours were absolutely wonderful! LOL

The ice cream one is interesting!

Farmhouse Kitchen Sinks said...

well we all are sick

Athena said...

chat blanc - thank you! I know, arent people strange?

Petra - OH YEAH, there is some pretty awful stuff I get actually due to the name of my blog :(

JD - LOL I never thought of that. You should train him to scoot over a few feet and pee into the toilet!

chris - ah, i see. thank you for the explanation ;)

zyriana - lol I have a special and freaky audience here :) thanks


Condo Blues said...

Some kids like fruit bats. maybe they think they are related to fruit rollups? Maybe that would explain the year that my niece wanted to be not only a fruit bat but a Mongolian fruit bat.

Athena said...

condo blues - Hahahaha! Maybe they DO think they're related to fruit rollups! I cant believe your niece wanted to be a mongolian fruit bat! Makes me feel better about my daughter ;)