Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Maybe Cosmo can use the the large hadron collider to go back in time?

I am in a pissy damn mood today and it wasn't made any better by reading this shitty, offensive article titled, "What Makes Men Fall In Love" by Cosmopolitan .

Now right, I know, Cosmo isnt exactly the Associated Press and its material is definitely lacking, but the magazine has been around for 112 years, is printed in 34 different languages and is distributed to over 100 countries, so there is no doubt this crap is being read.

If you're too lazy to click the link, the article goes through the "4 primal desires" of men that you might not know could be fucking up your relationship! I know, I had no idea either. See below:

The Desire: To Protect:

Summary: Give him a job (no, not that kind of job although I'm actually kinda surprised they didn't suggest this). Make him feel "useful" around the house. Wear soft materials to heighten his amorous instincts. Wear his clothes so he'll know you've chosen him over the other guys.

Sooooo...we're just humoring the men now? And what if you cant fit in his clothes? Will a hat suffice?

The desire: Freedom:
Summary: Blow him off once in a while (no, not THAT kind of blow...are you loving all the oral sex euphemisms?) Tell him if you're nervous about committing because it will put aside his fears that you are not a, quote, "baby-hungry-ring-hunter". Little changes in your appearance (like changing your hair) remind him that your have millions of facets to your personality.

I definitely think my hair reflects the complexity of my mind, so that's good.

The desire: To shine
Summary: Keep it light, let him take the credit for making new friends, and playing and being good at mental games like Scrabble or chess shows him you're a desirable choice for carrying on his genes.

Fuck. I am so not watching Jeopardy! with JP anymore.

The desire: To comfort
Summary: Let him watch you primp - but only cutesy stuff like powder and lipstick, not icky stuff like tweezing your eyebrows. Food, or course, feed him. And if you know he's not a murderer, fall asleep on him so he'll see you in your most trusting, completely relaxed state. are you telling me I shouldn't be flossing my teeth in front of JP?

So in total, Cosmo thinks we should just be treating our husbands and boyfriends like simple creatures who like soft things, food and chess. Gotcha. Well, Athena thinks we should be teaching our young women is that men are different like you and I are different, but we are all EQUAL. We should be teaching them to demand equality in the home and workplace, to be compassionate but not a doormat, and to follow their passions, not try to dumb them down or give them up completely for your significant others. It is just ridiculous that we, as women, have come so far and this ignorant, misinformed bullshit just keeps getting out. Its really such a shame, and whats even worse is the magazine is obviously is read by millions of teenagers across America, filling their youthful little minds with a load of shit that they're hopefully too smart to believe...or at the very least, too high to retain.


Chat Blanc said...

ZOMG!! So we're supposed to baby men so they don't freak out and they can feel in control. I'm calling it right now--BULLSHIT! I say--GROW UP MEN! We're not your frickin' mamas.

hmmm, did that sound bitchy? hahaha!

OK, Crazy said...

So many great posts all over the interweb today!

I loved the title.

"Wear his clothes so he'll know you've chosen him over the other guys."

Oh God, which one is my girlfriend? Oh, phew, there she is, wearing my long johns.

Athena said...

chat blanc - RIGHT?!?! Amen sister!

Ok, crazy - lol, good thing you loaned them to her otherwise you'd be screwed!

HalfBeard said...

Half Beard loves all the oral sex euphemisms....ummm...sorry...No im not...I'm Half Beard...I read your comment on my blog, figured I would stop by and see yours. Very nice, very pink, and did I mention I love all the oral sex sorry I know I'm a pig. And no a hat will not suffice, I need you decked out in my boxers,my jeans, my socks,my t-shirt, and, oh yea theres more...I need you to wear my deodorant, and my cologne. Since I am Half Beard, im going to need you to shave half your body.

Thanks for stopping by....Peace!

Sandee (Comedy +) said...

Preach it sister, preach it. I'm with you 100%. I wonder to what country this was written for. Just saying. I don't baby my man and I think he's just fine with that. What dumb broad would actually do this stuff? Have a great day. :)

Heinous said...

Speaking for the guys, if you need to pull all that for a guy, he needs to go off and find himself a class on how not to be a sissy. That dickhead they're trying to get you to date is just bad news and will only ever be in love with himself.

Oleg G. Kildyushov said...

I have visited your site for the first time.
There is a good articles.
Have a good day!
Best wishes,

Anonymous said...

Oh my. And I thought the publications here in the UK were downright banal.

Qelqoth said...

For a moment there, I became anonymous. Damn you Google. Damn you to Hell.

Athena said...

Halfbeard - sounds like you'll be dating the mirror image of yourself! But hey, nothing wrong with that :)

Sandee - Probably the same chicks that wear those really big fuzzy Ugg boots in the middle of July?

Heinous - Seriously! Whoever believes in this crap is just getting set up for disaster.

Oleg - Thank you!

Qelqoth - is it just me, or is google conspiring against us all these days?

Jennifer said...

Actually, I think hubby married me because I beat him at Scrabble. There's something to be said for not letting them win ALL the time!