Aint no party like an h-town party

The final theme for doodle week is party:

Which is appropriate, because today is my best friends birthday! The above picture is a representation of how we spent our night last night. Not shown: crowds of d-bag males, glitter, blisters from dancing in stiletto's, puke (not ours) and police men (the real kind, not strippers). Unfortunately, I did not listen to the wisdom of yesterday's smiley face and am paying for it today. It's up to you to decide which piece of advice I chose to ignore.

Something yellow

Something yellow, for doodle week.

Have a fun weekend, guys!

Enhancing sexy times since 1967

So have you guys seen this?


That's right, my friends. Cool whip in aerosol form. Ignore that pesky little voice inside your head protesting that cool whip contains oils, maybe motor oil?, possibly CFC's and leaves your mouth with a weird film on top - just silence it. This is a HUGE break through, people. Have you ever tried to enhance your sexy times by bringing a little food play into the bedroom? Got out the trusty can of Reddi-whip and went crazy with it? And then you noticed that, Ew. Stickiness where there is not supposed to be stickiness - the artificial kind, anyway. That's because Reddi-whip is made with real dairy, and once mixed with your drying saliva trails of love, will not only smell terrible, but will cause your ass to be glued to your satin sheets. And that is not sexy. Do yourself a favor and try cool whip instead of that lame KY his and hers lube. I promise spectacular results, with no guarantee of any kind.

(And no, that was not a paid post. Although, if I ever did paid posting, all my reviews would be that way and I would probably be the only person ever to be banned for reviewing products)

(Although, how awesome would it be if Cool Whip sent me a whole case of their new product for me to review? Imagine what you could do with TWELVE CANS of cool whip? Foam party? Whippits? Random cool whip attacks? There are so many possibilities...)


And today's doodle week theme is air:


Which is indicative of how I feel today.

Have a great weekend guys!

I've been brainwashed by my own brain

So have you guys noticed that the Halloween stuff is already out at your local store? I first noticed this a few weeks ago, at Target (of course) and I was stunned. I know this topic has been beaten to death, but I SWEAR it just gets earlier and earlier every year. Its nice to plan ahead, but if I go out and buy my stuff now, I'll stick it in a closet, forget about it, and then re-buy all the stuff I already did 10 days before Halloween....

...And now I suddenly understand.

Anyway, since I was reminded that yes, Halloween will be here in about 90 days, I asked my daughter what she wanted to be this year. "Hmmm," she said thoughtfully, "I think I want to be....a duck!" I gave her an odd look, and said, "Honey, what if I cant find a duck costume?" "Maybe I want to be a dog, then!" She exclaimed. "What about a pirate?" I asked, hopefully. "I wanna be a PIG!" She screeched, completely ignoring my suggestion. To say my daughter isn't exactly a "girly" girl would be a bit of an extreme understatement.

And today's doodle theme is fire, and this is what I've been fantasizing about lately:


(click to enlarge...............that's what she said, hahahhahalst4dahdhadf)
(sorry, been watching too many Office re-runs)

The weather in Houston is miserable, sticky, rainy and HOT like the second circle of hell (that's where all the hot girls and guys go when they cant keep it in their pants, fyi) and winter will not bestow her cool hand upon our city probably until...mid January. And only for a few weeks, at that. But Autumn will roll through soon, probably at the end of October, and it's the perfect time to cozy up to your sweetie and enjoy life by the fire. Or in front of your space heater with a "special friend", whatever your situation may be.

The devil's drink

Today's theme for doodle week is water:



And yes, that is a bottle of water in hell. I personally feel that bottled water not only causes tons and tons of waste, it also makes us pay for a basic human right. Yes, bottled water is a necessity in third world countries and in emergency situations, but I believe we can combat that need and find a better solution. YES WE CAN! YES WE CAN! Oh wait, that's Obama's slogan, isn't it? I'm sure he wont mind if I borrow it for this post.

Learn more about bottled water here and here.

At least I keep things interesting

Conversation between JP and I last night:

JP, sitting at the computer: "Hey honey, did you hear about all that pirating off the coast of Somalia?"

Me, on the couch, idly flipping through channels: "Um, no."

JP: "Isn't that crazy?"

Me: "I guess." Pause. "Wait, why do they have to go all the way to Africa?"

JP: Gives me a blank stare. "I don't know...cause it's remote?"

Me: "Oh. Huh." To myself, "So now pirating is so dangerous and illegal that people have to go live in fucking Somalia to bring us illegal downloads of Rhianna and Jonas Brother's music? Damn. Someone should really throw a benefit to help these people or something. "

Later on:

JP: Look at this - shows me more articles on pirating and how much it's been fucking shit up for the harbors and boats or something, I don't know.

Me: Wow, I never knew pirating was still in style these days, I mean - light bulb - OHHHHH earlier you meant pirating, like, "Aaaargh, matey, didn't you?"

JP, looking at me strangely: "Yeah...what did you think?"

Me: "Um, illegal downloads?"

Riotous laughter from Mr. Smart Ass

Me: You're so gonna laugh at me with your co-workers tomorrow, aren't you?

JP: "We'll see how busy I am."

I know, isn't he lucky?

And of course, for doodle week, today's theme is doodle earth. Check out my earth, ya'll!!!!!!



Interested in showing off your doodles? Go here!

Its that time again!!!!

Ya'll. I cant help it. I freakin love doodle week:

It's going on until the 31st, and you should jump on the bandwagon. (If you couldn't tell, today's theme is a sunflower).
I know its not exactly funny (unless you're laughing at my inability to draw with MS Paint, then sure) but I love to draw so you guys are going to have to deal with my crazy doodles in between posts. Okay! So get your ass on board and go draw a damn sunflower!

Doodle Week x2

Today's doodle theme is Pet.

Mine is a liiiitle NSFW. And while most of us don't work on a Saturday, some of us have kids who like to stand over our shoulder shouting MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY when all we're trying to do is take 10 SECONDS OUT OF OUR LIVES TO CHECK OUR EMAIL, DAMNIT!!!!!!11!1

And we don't want to permanently scar our children, now do we?

Of course not.

Intrigued? Scared? Bored? Clickity click to see my doodle of a "pet". ;)

Doodle Week

Heard of Doodle Week? I'm jumping on the bandwagon a little late, but its hard for me to pass up a good doodle. This weeks theme is Evil, and you'll see my representation of said theme below. Click for bigger image!

Have a great weekend, everyone!